Quick Answer: How Do I Accept Feedback Without Getting Defensive?

How do you respond to a defensive person?

How can you help someone stop their defensive reactions?Refrain from reacting defensively.

Shift your focus to the other person.

Ask questions until you understand them.

Move toward a resolution..

Does defensiveness mean lying?

“When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you,” says Glass. The liar will get hostile because he is angry that you’ve discovered his lies, which may result in a lot of pointing.

How do you accept feedback?

Ten tips on how to accept feedback well:Ask for it. … Get it often. … Ask the hard people. … Listen fully. … Ask questions. … Know it’s not about you. … Handle your emotions offline. … Take what you like and leave the rest.More items…•

Why do I get defensive so easily?

Defensive behavior might stem from a tough childhood or traumatic past, which can make a person more likely to “react through a negative lens,” said Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, a psychotherapist and founder of Love and Life Toolbox.

Why do people get defensive?

People who are acting defensively are essentially trying to protect themselves from feeling a certain uncomfortable way, and from viewing themselves as a failure or otherwise in a negative light. In this light, all of your examples are potentially reasonable examples of defensive behavior.

How can I stop being so defensive?

Learn graceful ways to cope with feeling defensive.Remind yourself of your deepest values. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. … See criticism as a sign of others’ belief in your abilities. … Cultivate a growth mindset. … In the moment, buy time. … Use classic: “I” statements.

How do you not take things personally?

Here are a few ways to stop taking things personally:Stop Worrying About What Other People Think. At the end of the day, it really is not anyone’s business what people think of you, or anything else. … Know Your Worth. … Don’t Jump To Conclusions. … Let Things Go. … Fill Your Calendar. … Don’t Climb Down.

Why do I react so badly to criticism?

Why Highly Sensitive People React So Strongly to Criticism When we receive negative feedback, we root into our “emotional brain,” which bypasses our “thinking brain.” The “emotional brain” (also known as the limbic system) is where our databank of triggers and past emotional memories are stored.

How do you let go of criticism?

Do Amazing Things Don’t let criticism stop you from doing anything. If someone tells you that your writing sucks, keep doing it. Make it better. Study people who do it well and rip them off, then make it your own and let your voice infuse what you do.

How do you respond to a criticism of your boss?

Knowing how to respond to this insulting or disheartening criticism with professionalism can help you overcome that negativity.Distance Yourself From the Situation. … Try to Understand Your Boss’s Intentions. … Summarize the Criticism. … Explain Your Perspective. … Engage in a Dialogue. … Suggest an Action Plan.More items…•

How do you handle feedback at work?

How to Handle Feedback in 10 StepsManage Your Initial Response (i.e. Avoid Getting Defensive) … Active Listening. … Consider the Potential Benefits. … Put Yourself in Their Shoes. … Thank Them Sincerely. … Ask for Examples to Better Understand the Feedback. … Request Time to Follow Up. … Engage in Self-Assessment.More items…•

What is defensiveness in a relationship?

Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. The third horsemen in the Four Horsemen is a common one: defensiveness, which is defined as self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack.

What does defensive mean?

(Entry 1 of 2) 1 : serving to defend or protect defensive fortifications. 2a : devoted to resisting or preventing aggression or attack defensive behavior He became defensive when I brought up his spending habits.

Why is being defensive bad?

People can be defensive because they struggle with their self-esteem. It’s difficult to handle criticism when you already feel bad about yourself. You don’t want others to point out this behavior in your life as well. … Their behavior can also be linked to a lack of healthy self-esteem.

What does defense mean?

English Language Learners Definition of defense : the act of defending someone or something from attack. : something that is used to protect yourself, your country, etc. : the act of speaking or writing in support of someone or something that is being attacked or criticized.

How do you respond to critical feedback?

Five empirically-supported actions can help you hear critical feedback openly and calmly, intentionally mine it for insight, and harness it to improve without collateral damage to your confidence and self-concept: 1) don’t rush to react; 2) get more data; 3) find a harbinger; 4) don’t be a lonely martyr; and 5) …

How do I not take work feedback personally?

Read on for their suggestions for what you can do to stop once and for all taking everything so damn personally.Embrace the Opportunity. … Remind Yourself You Don’t Have the Full Picture. … Pause for a Moment. … Choose to Hear Feedback Differently. … Plan In-Process Time. … Distract Yourself. … Remember—It’s Just Not About You.